supamun's Diaryland Diary

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bad posting

my life has took a hugh u-turn for the worst. my good coveted well-earned 8 to 5 posting was suddenly changed on the day itself. I got posted to airforce school, which is heaven to all NSFs apart from the new RPs. We see the camp everyday, get to sleep at home ONCE a week, book out every other day at 10 and book back in at 10, and do 10+ hours of insane duty on alternate days. I have no idea what I did to deserve this, but I guess god has his plan, and there is always something i can learn from difficult experiences.
all my outside plans which came along with an 8 to 5 job have to be shelved. and I find it difficult to control my emotions sometimes. I myself do not understand them. Is like, just now when i was lying on the bed, I had this feeling like I was changing into a monster. It is hard to describe.It's like, your mind is super active, and you feel a kind of feral rage and a shockwave goes through your mind as fast as headaches sometimes throb, and you feel negative and ill at ease with ther world. I wonder if I am schizo. This used to occur less freely so i suspect it has to do with my level of comfort with my surroundings.
Anw i was speaking to daniel just now, he told me he felt the exact same way in OCS, but it grew him to become a tougher guy, able to handle bigger problems. I hope I will react the same way, and at the same time, pray to God to alleviate my suffering at the right time, hopefully soon.
My body is breaking down, due to the very testing nature of the job. Standing 10+ hours a day is no joke la. And although my visit to the MO got me 2 very powerful and lengthy status (excused weapon and heavy load for 1 month) due to my weakening body, the Security Officer, known as PC in other areas, still made me mount, as he alleged we were short of men. I didn't like the decision of course, although I understand it, because it lacks welfare. I'll see what I can do to improve my situation. Will be back on Saturday. Bbye.

6:21 p.m. - 2006-09-21

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